What they don't tell you about being a mom again

There are some things that people don't really tell you about having another child that probably need to be said.  I mean, I don't go searching online for these types of blogs or things, but no one even vocalized it to me prior to having another baby.  I was told that I would quickly learn that I am capable of loving another baby just as much as the first, and that my heart would grow in size.  I learned that with Ava and Coco - yes, you read that right.  People tell you that your child #1 may act out, get jealous, be rough, misbehave, etc. Their world is going to be rocked, and turned upside down, bringing in another child.  They will have to learn how to share mommy and daddy with another person, and not understand.  Well, what no one told me was that I had to learn to share myself with both children.  I had to find a way to equally distribute myself between the two.  Now, while obviously the baby will require more attention, I can't technically distribute myself equally.  I have a spouse, and he is extremely helpful.  I'm not dismissing that.  As a mother, I don't expect him to understand what I go through in that aspect.  And mom's, you know what I'm talking about.  Ava is 2 1/2.  She has such a great personality, and she and I were really starting to get into a little groove and have fun. She is my little shadow, my bestie.  We had a little thing going.  Now I have to share myself with another child.  I know that she and I will always have our relationship, but the reality of it changing, even if only slightly and temporarily, really hurt me.  I cried.  Like every day.  And if you know me, you know I am not a crier.  I barely shed a tear with both children being born!  But I will cry when I watch tv... So weird.  But anyway, that was hard for me in the first couple of weeks.  During the last trimester of my pregnancy with Beau, I was short with Ava. I was exhausted and grew impatient with her. I will admit that.  And she is 2.  She's perfectly, terribly 2, every bit of it.  She acts out and pushes my buttons already, not because of her baby brother.  So I've been dealing with her toddler ways already.  I was prepared. So I guess now, in retrospect, I can be thankful for her being such a turd sometimes.  She's really growing and being so sweet, and now, 5wks after bringing Beau home, she no longer pulls away from him and tells me, "I don't want that baby," but rather she will pet him, kiss him, lay by him, give him his paci, turn on his swing, and tell him that she loves him.  She'll sit next to him, but still maintain her independence.  She's been that way since she's been 1 1/2, and is fine going off separately to her room, his room, her table to play or now her favorite, washing her hands all the time and playing with mommy's makeup.  Ava and I will be able to go off on our own soon, and with her still being so young, when Beau is her age, she'll still be sweet and young and even more helpful with Beau.  (Oh, let's hope!) So I won't miss her little years.  Reminding myself of this made me feel much better and less sad.    

So what I want to convey to you new moms of your 2nd children is that your world will be turned upside down, too.  This is a big change, bringing another life into the world.  Stuff gets "real" now that there's another human to be responsible for.  You're starting all over being a new mom and dad.  That freedom is now a couple of years away again (of sleeping in, or going out late, or having a glass of wine...)  You may secretly reminisce of the day that you had only one child, and what it would be like if you only had that one child.  And you know what? That's ok. You're human.  And you're a mom.  You can handle this.  You will move past it (really in like 2 weeks maybe, like I did), but it may take some prayer, or some reassurance from another mom, or just by taking a step back and realizing that you're not alone in this.  I have no regrets, and wouldn't change the way this worked out.  I do fantasize about having just Ava from time to time. But knowing that we now have a little boy too, reminds us how much we wanted this. We wanted 2 children, and we are so completely blessed beyond words with a beautiful family and 2 amazing children.  While are lives are completely changed, they are changed for the better.  And that's how I want it to stay.