Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Guess who's 3 months old!

Yes, it's already been three months and the time seems to have flown by! I can't believe my little bunny is now 3 months old. I still can't hardly believe I'm a mama, either. This new chapter in my life has been amazing.  We are so blessed with this little happy girl! I've had my ups and downs, worrying about running out of breast milk, not being able to provide that for her, but it all works out.  God knows what we need and He provides for us.  Ava is a wonderful little baby. Each day is a gift and she's grown so expressive. I love showing her off,I won't lie, because she's so darn cute! Her eyes are still light, her hair is a light, golden brown, and her skin is creamy smooth.  An absolutely beautiful baby. Oh daddy has his hands full!
I'm still pumping twice a day at work, and breast feeding at home. I'm coming to grips with the possibility of giving Ava more formula during the day, or at night too, in case I don't have enough milk for her. I'm okay with this, but it's not been easy to come to terms with. I provide her with her nourishment, and to think that I may be running low on that, or not be able to, that's heart breaking. But again, it'll all work out in the end. 
Nanny is working out very well, so that's a huge blessing. D and I are enjoying this parenthood gig, loving pretty much every moment, aside from the occasional middle of the night waking up's Ava surprises us with. But she's otherwise still sleeping thru the night - yippee.  Coco loves her little sister too, it's adorable. Has already barked at a person and another dog to back up! Never biting, just hollering at them. And I've still not sampled my breast milk... can't bring myself to do it!
All in all, life is great, not that I expected anything less!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

She's a 10

Little miss has finally reached 10 lbs! We are so blessed, she's such an amazing little bunny. She sleeps through the night, smiles a ton & is overall perfect. Her Dr said so! Every day I just love her more, and our family is so complete. I almost hate to say it, because I want more children, but Ava's been so perfect, I don't want to risk it. But the next little one will be good and perfect inn their own way. 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above."   James 1:17

Saturday, July 6, 2013

2 months // Happy 4th of July!

Look who's already 2 months old! Little miss has been growing on along, getting a little chunk on her body, being a little sweetie.  Her sleeping pattern had been great for us, every three hours, and after midnight she would sleep until 5/6 a.m.  That was going to be great for my mornings back at work. However, this week, hitting her two month mark, she flipped the script on us. A few days she was waking up every three hours after midnight, but thank goodness that only lasted a few nights.  Then she decided to fall asleep around 10:30 p.m., and wakeup at 4 a.m.  Now don't get me wrong, I am super thankful for the long stretch of sleep, but dang, 4:00?!  Why not 5:00?  So that's been different. Needless to say, there have been a couple of mornings we've woken up in the recliner...  



July 4th! We had a fun-filled day of relaxing,  enjoying not going to work,  and a trip to Kmart. (Yes, they're still around.)  We got Ava an activity mat, and she really likes it.  Also got some more formula since she's been doing well with one formula bottle a day.  Today it's been a week of trying  it out.  Thanks to a suggestion from my bf, I went with Enfamil, for newborns. No bad gas or fussiness.  Insert sigh of relief here. And of course we had to get some little fireworks.  We played with them while Ava was napping on her new activity mat (ironic much?), and Coco watched over.  Or Coco was hiding bc she doesn't like the fireworks, but either way when I looked at the monitor from the driveway, Coco was laying right next to Ava. It was precious!  Ava didn't seem to mind the noise, she still slept.  So we made it through our first fourth, in our new house, with our new baby.  I hope everyone had a great holiday!

xoxo

Monday, July 1, 2013

Full time...

Today was the day I'd been dreading for the past two months - my official full day back at work.  I had been doing just fine with my half days but this day brought back all of my new mommy insecurities; will Ava make it without me? Will I manage without her for 10 hours? Omg 10 hours?!?! What was I thinking? There's no way she or I will make it that long without each other!  Obviously we did, though.  Don was off work today, so he got to play Mr. Mom and he loved it.  I got some adorable picture texts & updates on her eating times. He's her father, of course she was in good hands.  But that was not a worry for me.  I just didn't want to be without my favorite little accessory. I mean, this little chunker is adorable!
So there was nothing to worry about, all went well. What will be hard though, is when she starts crawling, talking, waking... I've got some time before that though, phew!  So for now, I'll hold her little body and listen to her breathe as heavy as a. little baby can do. I thought she was crying to nurse, but when I changed her wet diaper, out she went! Gosh, I love this baby.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Back to work!

So far so good. My first week back to work is coming to an end, and I must admit that it wasn't as difficult as I had anticipated. I will have one more week of these glorious half days before I come in full time. They are great! Too bad I can't continue, but there's nowhere near enough time in a half day to do the work we need to do that's for sure. I've been able to come back to a storage room here in the office to pump, so that's been convenient. (I had written "nice," but let's be honest, pumping your breasts for milk at work doesn't really qualify as "nice.") I'm actually back here now, pumping away. I clock out to do it and spend about 20min. All for the cause, ya?
In a nutshell, what we've been going through during my time out, and while I was preparing to return to work has been nothing short of interesting.  Primarily in regards to child care.  My mom is set to take care of Ava only 2 days a week - Mon & Tues.  Originally we had found a nanny months ago, but due to some family complications, she had to back out. I was devastated, because I really liked her, and because I was to return to work in 2 weeks, but completely understood. Family comes first. That's what my concern was for - my family.  After speaking to my work, mother, father, husband, trying to have everyone on the same page, I had a decision to make. Do I find another nanny, or do I look for a part time job? It's this a sign? Surely it couldn't be, how could I make a decision in a week, that would affect our family for some time to come? We prayed about it a lot. I couldn't walk away from a job I'd been at for 9 years. Not that easily, and not after the way they'd been to me during this maternity leave (so good!). Plus who leaves a secure job after 9 yrs, having just had a baby, and just bought a house, with no job to go to? Um... not I!  I went in the hunt quickly for another nanny. My mom put her feelers put at her church, I went to my church, facebook, friends. My church didn't really have a network, but fortunately, mom's did. Almost immediately, within a day or two of mom contacting someone, we had a response. Amen! I met with our prospective nanny, and immediately had a good feeling. Not one of desperation, but one of comfort. At least ease. After she came to our house and Don got to meet with her both of us said a prayer of thanks. And I realized that this was my sign. That God will provide where there's a need. Not always in our time, but in His. So ultimately, my place is here, at my job, doing what I do. He will provide what we need to live day by day, to support our family, to afford a nanny, too make it.  Over and over my husband told me, "it'll be okay," but sometimes that's hard to believe. One evening he cut me off from my fretful rant, took my hands in his, and started praying.  When I let myself just stop and notice what is going on, get focused on the issue and realize that I cannot control everything, a great sense of relief comes. I felt better, feel in love a little more with my husband for paying with me, and put my energy where it mattered most - in our family and baby. It will work out, and it is. My husband, my baby, my God - they are my focus. As long as I remember this, and keep doing this, things will always be okay.
xoxo

1 month... where did the days go?


Where, oh where did the last 6 weeks go?  I feel like they have zoomed by so quickly, and you know what?  They have!  And in exchange for the time having flown by, I am left with the most precious little being named Ava.  Each day is something new and it has been such a joy.  I still can't believe that I'm now a mother.  Wow, I have a daughter. I'm part of the club.  I said over and over how surreal it was to be pregnant, but that has nothing on being a parent.  
My body has healed, my emotions are still wonky at times, but my love for this little person grows with each passing moment.  
I took this picture at one month, but it's been sitting on my computer, saved on this blog. I have been so lazy to get this posted.  I've had plenty of time to do this on my phone, since it's by my side at all times, but apparently I am more in tune with twitter & facebook - as sad as that is to admit.  And then the other time is spent staring at Ava & taking pictures of her, posting them to instagram or sending them to my family. So, my apologies. Y'all understand!  
I'll do better.....
2 weeks! 
5 weeks - first family shot! 
Ava's first smile  (no gas!) 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

40 weeks & my baby story


40 weeks with Ava! 

While I would normally do the post for y'all w/the fun details of what is going on during week 40, this last week of my pregnancy was a little different from the rest.  It started out pretty slow, on Saturday 5/4.  We ran some last minute errands, picked up a few more things at Target, and had mexican for lunch - not too spicy!  Then Sunday 5/5.  I was so worn out!  I couldn't help but feel like today may be the day that Ava would arrive.  But oh, how I did not want her to have a birthday on cinco de mayo!  Nooooo.... y'all know how I feel about it already. So we skipped church, and had a visit with one of my cousins that was passing through town.  We had planned to go to lunch, and I was going to skip that, but pushed anyway.  We all (husb, cousin, bro, friend, mom & grandma) had a nice lunch visit, joked about how we thought Ava would show up that night based on how weird I was feeling, and then Don & I went back home to finish up decorating for Ava.  We only had a couple of little things that I wanted done, so we did that and rested. All that was left to do was to wait.  I just had a feeling...  Around 7pm, that feeling seemed to become more realistic.  I started having contractions.  I didn't know what to expect, obviously, but it was a new feeling for me during this entire pregnancy.  It was a weird cramping, and I knew something was off.  So I decided I should start timing them, just to be sure.  A few texts (ok, a ton of them) to two of my girlfriends and I then realized that this was the real thing.  So I did what any pregnant girl would do - I made sure my hair was perfectly coiffed and that my nails were polished to my liking.  ;)  You think I'm kidding?  No, I am not.  I may as well be ready, right?  Ha!
I called the dr's office about 8, and told them what was going on.  I was told to wait until the contractions had been more regular/consistent, and lasted for 2-3 hrs (5 min apart, 1 min long), and to take a hot shower to relax.  Did all that.  Don started timing the contractions for me, while a very concerned Coco looked on.  I couldn't find comfort for very long.  After 2 hours (or more), around 11pm, Don said he couldn't watch me do this anymore, and that we needed to go in.  I called the dr again, let them know and they told me to come on in!  (note: my water had not broken at this point.) We called my mom and told her to make her way over to the house to stay w/Coco until it was "time" to deliver.  As we made our way to the hospital (a short 8min away, thanks to my husband's quick & safe driving), my contractions were getting stronger.  We got in to the ER, and were admitted, and then I was wheeled up to triage.  Before leaving the check in, I noticed the time on the form, 11:58 pm, 5/5.  Sweet, no cinco de mayo baby.  phew!
Upon going to triage, where they examine you to see if it's the real deal, I had dilated up to 4cm (being still 3cm on Thursday at my last appt), and it was legit & I was taken to my room, where I had the best nurse ever.  She helped me thru my contractions, helped me relax & walked me down the football field length of the maternity ward.  Oh, I remembered it was Nurse's Day, so I made sure to tell all the nurses, "Happy Nurses Day!"  as I was wheeled past their station.  Ya, gotta keep it light up in here!
Around  2 or 4am (I don't remember!), I was down for that epidural.  Piece of cake, thankfully.  I was not going to be a hero and fight thru these contractions any more.  Also, by that time, I was dilated at 6cm - yay!  Moving along.  When the Dr came in at 7:30, he ordered the pitocin, and broke my water.  He told me we would have this baby by lunchtime.  Nice! I can deal with this.  Around 8, I was up to 8cm dilated, 100% effaced, and during another exam from my new nurse - also the best ever - dilated right up to 9cm.  I was moving & shaking!  But then the fun part came. Baby Ava was not ready at lunchtime, even though I was 10cm dilated.  The pushing had to begin.  And omg the pushing.  It was fine while I was able to keep pushing that button on my epidural drip, but after an hour of pushing, I had to stop getting extra drugs.  They wanted me to feel her I guess.  Sheesh - that was the most painful thing I've had to deal with thus far.  Long story short, I pushed for 3+ solid hours, no joke.  Miss Ava was not coming down as she should have, nor was she facing the correct way.  So in between the pushing, losing blood & being examined, she had to be manually turned - mostly by my dr. It was just past the 2hr pushing mark, when he said I could push the epidural button again, thank the Lord.  Back to one minute being normal, telling jokes, then the next asking for it to be over, can we stop now??  ("I'm sorry honey, that's not how it works," said my nurse.)  Wow that hurt.  Even though I was numb, I felt tremendous pressure & pain w/each contraction, as baby was trying to get below where she needed to be. Another hour of hard pushing, cracking some jokes in between the contractions (coming at 1min apart pretty much the whole time), and having some close moments with my husband, and the dr was ready to get baby out.  Unfortunately, b/c she was turned the wrong way, and wasn't dead center w/her exit, after he had her moved into position, he got out the vacuum!  My baby was going to be vacuumed out of me!  Oh gosh!  He so calmly told the nurse to turn it on, and when he tried as I pushed, it didn't take.  Sounded like the cork coming off a champagne bottle, no joke.  He calmly & quietly told me that he had the c-section team waiting, just in case, and as soon as I heard this, I was more determined than ever to get baby out!  I said, "I don't want a c-section - here's another contraction, let's go!" Ya, I did.  I think it surprised him that I was ready again, and told me to give a "super human push" to which I did.  That vacuum worked this time!  I was in tears b/c I knew it would, then I heard my husband say, "oh! there's her head!" as he cried.  Let the floodgates open, the tears began!  (and are now as I write this!)  Dr had to cut the cord, b/c it was wrapped around her neck & did so w/out skipping a beat!  He was so fluid in his delivery, it really helped us stay calm.  Finally the moment we had been waiting for!  Baby Ava was born at 3:24pm, weighing in at a whopping 6lbs 10.5oz (ya, I totally was expecting a bigger baby!), 19in long.  So she teetered at being on time for happy hour, not lunch.  She was born on her due date (well, one that I was given; they had her listed at 5/4, but based on her conception, 5/6 was it). What a sweet moment!  Insert joke here - I exclaimed while the 4 baby nurses were looking at her, my nurse was helping me and the Dr & 2 assistants were sewing me up, "she's white!" They all just kinda stopped & looked at Don like "oh what?" and he just laughed.  It was funny!  After Ava was checked out, cleaned off, and brought to me, I was told that she had to be taken to the NICU for a few hours b/c of fluid in her lungs, and how I missed her!  They needed to have her cry, cough, and get that fluid out.  She came back 3hrs later (after I asked twice!) w/a clean bill of health, could suck/swallow/breathe normally (which is good for the nursing part), and no more fluid. Don't let me fool you, I was hollering during these hours of pushing, I was that girl moaning & doing some cussing (don't worry, mom was there, it was only s-h-*-t she said! lol).  I had an episiotomy, I had a level 4 tear - there is no level 5, and it took the Dr an hour to sew.  I went thru 20hrs of labor & 3.5hrs of pushing. I have a donut to sit on, ice packs to wear, meds to use.  I may have to remind Ava of this at least once in her lifetime, but I am reminded daily, hourly, by the minute even that it was all so worth it.  I now know what the feeling is that mothers feel with their babies. That overwhelming feeling of love, responsibility, selflessness.  Going from being selfish to selfless was instant.  Don't get me wrong, I will miss the selfish days, but that's natural, right?  So are the baby blues.  But as I stare at my precious baby girl while she nurses, look at her little hands (that are mine!), I am amazed by the miracle of birth.  God is so good, and to know that we women are made to birth babies - what our bodies can go through for another life is fascinating.
Throughout the entire labor & delivery, I have to tell you, my husband was beyond amazing.  He was calm (on the outside at least), supportive, loving and there.  He let me squeeze his hand as hard as I could, and he watched me go through this pain with eyes that showed his love & concern.  My mom told me later that she cried when she saw us just looking into each others' eyes, as if speaking w/out words to each other.  I have a new love for him as well, in his support and care for me.  I watch him hold our baby, smiling at her, laughing, being so proud, walking past her saying how beautiful she is, and am totally in love.  Never would I ask for anything more - I have no need for anything else.  He has been my arms & legs while I recover, and does so without hesitation.  I have one very special husband.  I have one very special baby.  I have one special life, and I thank God for letting me have it.