Game on! (this is a lengthy one, but from the heart.)

I hope that y'all had a very nice  Christmas and New Year's.  I still can't believe that it's 2012. zoinks! We had a great time w/family & friends on Christmas eve!  On NYE, Don & I decided to stay in for once, and it was so nice.  We listened to neighbors' fireworks for oh.. 4 hours.  Poor Coco did not like that - she was stuck to one of us like velcro. But it was nice to be home. We toasted the new year w/one glass of champagne, and then climbed into bed around 1.  Woke up the next morning feeling great and bonus!! made it to church on time!  May do a repeat next year...
Something that Don & I have been going thru lately is trying for a baby.  It's been a long and not so difficult road, in that we've not been in a hurry to get pregnant.  We've enjoyed our time being married, spending time together as husband and wife, working out our kinks (b/c believe me, there were a few!), and working on making our relationship strong.  Enter Coco, our fur baby, and we've loved having her every minute - especially when we could leave her @ home for a few hours while we went out to dinner, hung out w/friends, games, etc.  My grandmother always told me to enjoy the time w/my husband as much as I can for a few years, and then get started.  So I stayed on the pill for the first 2 years of our marriage. I went off almost 2 years ago, and we just haven't been successful.  I didn't know to track my ovulation, for one. But mainly, we were stressed to the max with the condo short sale-turned-foreclosure, work slowing down for Don, and a few other things.  Stress certainly plays a big role in baby-making.  For starters, it can mess up my cycle.  And let's be honest here, who wants to get in the sack when you can't sleep, have anxiety and are stressed out?  It's been said to be a great stress reliever, but in real people talk, it ruins your motivation.  So... needless to say, we weren't proactive about it at all.  I've since educated myself to track my ovulation, finding out the ideal time to practice , and I get it now.  We were so off!  Anyway, some time has passed, and at the end of September, we got a positive! I took 6 tests one weekend, and sent a picture to my friend each time (of the result) and she laughed at me, saying... duh!  that I was pregnant.  I quickly made an appt w/my doctor, and they confirmed it also.  We were in such disbelief and were so happy!  No wonder I was craving so much spicy food, and Coco was glued to me all weekend.  (That's so weird, how dogs know something's up. She was helping incubate my baby!)  Not a few days later we told my mom, and then Don's mom.
Too soon after the rejoicing had begun, it would have to come to an end. Another week went by, and I started spotting.  I read that it was fairly common for some light spotting the first trimester, and didn't want to scare myself the first day.  After it continued the second day, my friend - the same one I had shown all my results to - had said I should call the OB.  That very next morning, the spotting turned into more, and I knew something was wrong.  I called in for an appt that morning, and went in to discover what I was convinced I already knew had happened.  I called my mom on the way in and had her head over to the hospital.  Had some tests run, an ultrasound and heard what I didn't want to hear - that I was no longer pregnant.  They call it a "spontaneous abortion."  Just seeing that word on the computer screen when I was talking to the assistant gave me the heebie jeebies.  The ultrasound had shown that there was nothing inside my uterus, and that just shocked me.  The dr. told me that 20% of pregnancies end this way, and to not worry about it for the future.  All I said was, "so I''m not even pregnant at all?"  I unsuccessfully held back the tears as I asked how long I had to wait to try again, and he told me a full cycle.  Not  1, but 2 .'s.  (oy!) As I was leaving the exam room & going out to pay for my visit, mom walked in the waiting room. The look on her face brings tears to my eyes just remembering, but made me love her so much.  I knew that she immediately took on my pain, and I was so grateful to have her.   We went out to the parking lot, where she asked how I was so calm about it, and it was then that I broke down.  I was just so sad that I had lost the baby, the one thing that I had so longed for. As quickly as I had broken down, a calm came over me, as if God had His arm around me, comforting me, letting me know that all is well & my time will come again.  I told mom that I didn't dare question why God had let it happen, b/c I knew it could've been worse.  I wasn't far along at all, thankfully.  I was so sad, but (after a dear friend pointed out to me) I realized that I can get pregnant.  It is possible, it just wasn't the right time for us. I'm okay with that, and my faith tells me that it will happen again.  I don't know when, but it will. Don and I cried about it, prayed about it and have moved on together.  I have the best support system in my husband and love him more than anything. 
I was hesitant to share this with anyone, even my very best girlfriends, but now I'm past the pain - for the most part - and am excited to get back in the game.  I have since had my "full cycle" and next weekend... game on!  We're praying that God will bless us w/a healthy little baby in 2012.  Already have my girl's name picked out, and working on the boy's.  Ya, I'm that ready. ;) 
xoxo