Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Happy 3rd Birthday to Ava!

What a great weekend we just had.  Ava turned 3, it was Mother's Day, and Beau's baby dedication at church brought in family. The weather was perfect and gorgeous.  We celebrated Ava's birthday with a donut and trip to the zoo, after she got a birthday call from Dora!! (Thank you, nick jr.) We even got in the Zoo for free, as someone's  "+1" so that was awesome.  He just walked up and asked if we wanted to do that, and I was like, sure! (Certain annual passes have a +1, so you can bring anyone. I knew about it so it wasn't weird.)  We walked in, said thank you and parted ways.  Ava even got a free train ride for having a birthday!  It was so much fun.  Saturday we had some family over and this party was definitely all about all about Ava. She got a tricycle from Nana & Papa, a trampoline from Gibby (grandma), and an easel from Uncle & Aunt.  We got her a lot of Sherrif Callie things, who is her favorite Disney character. P.s. a note to anyone who cares, the Disney stores don't have her in there. Target and Wally world do, though. I was so disappointed when I  called and asked.  I pulled it off, though. Callie dress,  guitar, microphone, cupcake decorations.   It was so much fun.
I will not say that Ava is a "threenager" becausewe will not set ourselves up for that disaster. 2 was hard enough on us.  Ava is a strong willed child, but she's typical. I don't think it's anything out of the ordinary for her to be so... challenging at times, I just notice it because we are together All. The. Time.  Her meltdowns are not fun, I'm over her crying in the middle of the night, and her saying "hold me, holdmeholdmeholdmemommmymommymommy," is beyond annoying.  I've realized that she's either hungry or tired, or just bored. So I've started asking her, calmly trying to get her to use words.   It's working, because she says it a fraction of the time. Thank goodness! 
Another milestone : she's using the potty! She's only wearing pull ups at nap and bedtime, and sometimes when we go on errands or to a park I'm not sure about. And we change her as soon as she goes. So that's pretty great! Our little girl is growing up! She's beautiful,  bright, smart, curious,  creative, and so funny. I love her more than anything!

Friday, April 29, 2016

Halfway to a year, are you kidding me?

Are you seriously telling me that my son is 6 months old? As in halfway to a year old? No. No way. But yes, it's true. And this is such a great age! Beau is sitting up so well, which is super fun for him. He loves to bang on his toys, and put everything in his mouth. Everything. I had to get him a walker,  because all he wants to do is stand up. When I hold him, he's turning round and round.  So we ran up to a consignment store and grabbed one. Good call! He's 16.8lbs but feels like a chunker, and drinks 7oz bottles now. I'm going to try some foods, like sweet potatoes, but he wasn't sure about bananas. Beau is also a finger sucker... so cute. Only to sleep though, so let's hope it stays that way!
The church is doing baby dedication next week, that's going to be fun!

Hello little 5month old Beau!

This little guy is such a joy to be around. He's so happy, curious and fun.  Dare I say, he is so easy to handle! I mean, he is a great sleeper, cries when he's hungry and tired, but other than that, no worries! I love the way he drools when he smiles at me. He looks over at daddy when he walks in the room.  He loves his little sister, too. Oh man, I am in love! I didn't think I could share myself with another baby, or that I would be able to do with such ease. But Beau makes it easy. He is literally a mini version of his daddy so he's just adorable! He loves his feet and standing. We think he'll walk before he crawls! (Let's hope not!) He's starting to sit up alone, so that's great. I love that he'll be able to do more than just lay there, rolling over and over...

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Beau's 4 months

Oops... I can't believe I had forgotten to post Beau's 4 month picture. Shame, shame on me. Please forgive me, son, if anyone ever tells you!!

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Beau - 2 months

Beau's first Christmas!
He was able to enjoy it by napping... and that's quite alright with us.  I wasn't sure what to even get him since he technically can't open anything, but I also couldn't let my little babe not have anything under the tree.  So yes, he got a few toys, that he can play with in a few more months.
We enjoyed Christmas here with family, and had a low country boil, which we all welcomed as a new tradition.  Mmm...
Beau is up to 10.8lbs as of a doctor appt we went to since he caught a bad cold. It turned into RSV, and I didn't know what to do.  I was so worried, because Ava was so perfect as a newborn.  Not until she went to daycare did she get sick, so I didn't know what to do.  He had to have picked it up from Ava & even from me, since the weather changes made my sinuses go crazy.  Fortunately, it did not go into his chest or ears.  Unfortunately for him, I had to do the suction on his nose, vaporub and the humidifier.  It was pitiful, but it went away within a week.  We were so glad that it didn't get any worse.
During this 2 month growth, I have transitioned from breastfeeding to formula feeding.  I was afraid that Beau wasn't getting all he wanted, and to be honest, I was getting overwhelmed at feeding him all the time, and struggling with Ava and the dog, and anything else that I wanted to do.  In other words, I was over it. It's not the same with two children.  Ideally, I wanted to breastfeed for months - like 8 or more.  But that didn't happen, and that's ok.  I stopped beating myself up about it as much.
Little Beau is starting to sleep for longer periods of time, almost all night, which is glorious!!  And he's smiling so much.  He's lost a lot of hair, or started to about this time, due to cradle cap. It didn't get nasty, but I had to treat it and I think that's what had happened.  Hopefully it will grow back as nice as it had been.  It had some curl to it, that Ava's didn't.  (Thank goodness she has my hair!)
On to the next phase - more sleep, smiles and maybe some activity!!

Beau is 3 months old

Beau has reached the 3 month mark!
I had wanted him to come out 3 months old, but he didn't, so I waited patiently for the time to come.  Why?  Because at three months, these little babies start to get fun.  They sleep longer at night (knock on wood!), and laugh and gurgle and make silly faces and blow raspberries - or try.
And that's just what Beau's doing.  He's a ball of drool, going through a few bibs a day, but is happy to do it.  He smiles just like Ava did, all the time.  It's so sweet.  He also smiles at Ava - he sure loves her.  We have pulled out the bouncer, the piano and the bumbo chair for him, and he's enjoying all of them.  Yay!  He still loves to be in my arms, and I still love to hold him until he falls asleep at night.  I think he's almost ready for his crib.  We moved Ava to the crib at 3 months, and I think it's time to do so with him.  How do we know?  He's sleeping all night long, and he's almost touching the top and bottom of the bassinet.  I've put a few more touches on his room, making it more of his. Still need a chest of drawers, or some shelving unit, so hopefully we'll be able to get something soon to complete his room.
Beau is at 13lbs, a little bigger than Ava at this time.  I've not compared their sizes, but will do so, just to see.  We already know that he's bigger than Ava.  And rightly so, for our boy.  He laughs, and is ticklish, making diaper changes fun!  He coos and talks to me as he falls asleep. He's just perfect.  We thank God daily for the perfection.  It's so fun seeing him become more and more alert and I still am not ashamed to say that I am looking forward to him growing!

Sometimes I wonder how mom's do it

Like, seriously.  How do mom's do it? How do they stay at home, keep the house and kids in check, and themselves, and their husbands, and the laundry, and the dishes, and the dinner - oh my word, it's like Cinderella.  Without the stepmother, ugly stepsisters, the mean cat, the helpful mice, the fairy godmother, and the prince. Oh wait, so I guess maybe it's not like that at all.  But this whole stay at home mom thing is not for the faint of heart. It's not like I scored and became one of those wives that "get" to stay at home with a toddler and 3mo old because we live some fabulous life and I don't have to work.  No, for the record, my small business owning husband is able to make up for my loss of salary, by the grace of God, as his company is growing and doing well. Not "well" like I get to go buy a new car and fill my house with all of the tempting lovelies from wayfair.com or pottery barn, but well enough that it made sense and worked out this way.  It just happened.  I am super thankful that I am able to do it, that I "get" to do it in a sense that I'm the one that is here with my children.
But back to my rant - damn, it's hard to be a stay at home mama.  Gone are the days that I work all day long, solving other peoples' problems, speaking intelligently with other adults.  Gone are the days that I drop my toddler off at her preschool, where she is given lessons, tasks, projects, recesses, naps, music, play, more fun school things to do all day long.  I do not miss making lunches every day, or scrambling to get her and myself out of the house to make it to work on time (i.e., 5min late daily).  But I do miss that activity for her - mainly because I don't know that I have the creativity or the energy to keep her as busy and active as she was just less than 2 months ago.  I admire the way that teachers can wrangle 6-8 2 year olds on a daily basis, only to get the evenings & weekends off.  Going through potty training, feeding them, breaking up fights, keeping them interested... Wow. Just wow.
Some days - or really most days - I lose my patience.  I won't lie, I have nothing to hide.  I have to keep it real and be honest. I lose my patience.  I have a 2 year old diva on my hands.  I read another blog that said your children pick up the qualities of you - negative ones, especially - and put it right in your face, more or less. Yes, admittedly this is what Ava does. She is a little mimic of all my craziness.  I tell her to do something, she says, with an exasperated whisper, "whyyyy?" Really?  Really?!  I'm waiting on the day she says that to me.  Oh wait, she already has.
What I'm saying is that I feel like a POS most days, when I lose my patience.  I yell.  Brief, short commands from time to time.  There, I said it.  Judge me if you will.  I raise my voice.  I try to calmly, and with a smile tell her to do something, offer up a different way of doing something, or talk her off the ledge.  But she's a tough one.  It's much easier to talk an adult off the ledge.  You cannot reason with a 2 year old.  You can't argue with them.  She literally repeats and mimics me when I'm upset.  It's so eye-opening when a 2yr old reacts the same way you do. It's funny how she does it, but then it's like a slap in the face because it's annoying (to see how I am).  I wish I could disarm the switch that pushes me over the edge of "I just had myself together and now I feel like I need to throw a glass plate on the concrete" - basically the one that turns me into the Hulk.  And how do people get that much patience? Tell me it didn't come overnight. Lie to me and tell me that.  Or tell me the truth, tell me that I'm not alone in this crazy, messed up, emotional life of mine.  Tell me that you yourself have experienced the insanely impossible ability of trying to keep your sh*t together so you don't lose it!  Every single day, I literally get up thinking, what will today be like? Will it be good? Will I be good? Will I be patient? What can we do to keep Ava busy? What is going to set her off?  When will I reach my boiling point?  How much coffee will I consume today? Should I shower now, or later?  Or at all?  Can I pawn my kids off to my mom?  Can I just stay in bed? Is 10:00 a.m. too early to drink wine?  Can I just pretend to be perfect? But each day, it's a new approach.  It's a new adventure in the life of a 2 year old. She's perfectly terrible, and terribly perfect.
It goes without saying that I would never, in a million years, ever give back my present life.  I would never change the way it turned out.  Ever.  Never, ever, ever.  God blessed my husband and me with 2 beautiful, amazing, happy and healthy children.  If the worst is the terrible 2's (which I have already made Beau swear to me that he wouldn't behave the way Ava does - not even at 3), then I can handle it.  I don't deserve it though.  I don't deserve the life that God gave me.  None of us do, to be fair.  But when I feel like a jerk, when I feel like I should've waited one more second to react, or 5 more seconds, but didn't, I really feel bad.  Why do I have to be short? What does it do to the situation when the she-Hulk comes out, and destroys everything in her path?  Look, clearly I'm writing this when I'm feeling bad on myself, and I will move past it, and find a way out of this mess.  I just feel like an undeserving mother.  The worst mother out there.  Yes, because I didn't let my daughter brush her teeth again when all I asked her to do was to wash her hands.  Or when I made her wear bloomers instead of a diaper to help her know when she needs to go or went potty.  (As if her routine of hiding behind the sofa each time she poops is not obvious, or is so sneaky that I don't know what she's doing...)  I almost don't even want to post this, because I don't want the slight ounce of pity, or judgement for that matter.  I try to get down on her level, she doesn't listen.  I know that I've got to do better, and I have been praying that God help me. I don't want to be a jerk-mom.  SHE'S ONLY 2.  We have to learn each other all over again, as I have said before.  Granted, it's only February 2, and She's almost been out of school for 2 months.  When people asked me how it was being at home, I told them to ask me in about 2 months.  Well, ask me in March.  I hope to goodness that I have found my way and have found peace in knowing that perfection is not only impossible, but it does not  need to be expected from myself or my 2 year old.  I need to make a point to use free time researching ideas to keep little ones busy and occupied.  We will get through this.  We will make it.  (And let's hope daddy says she can go to preschool again in September...)

Be honest - am I alone? How do you moms deal with the terrible 2's???