for lack of a better word...

defeated. for lack of a better word, i feel defeated.  it's not so much that it's self-inflicted, but knowing when/how i do it to myself. in this case, i totally brought it on myself.  still not sure why, though.  it's not b/c i got upset at my mother for no apparent reason, it's that i recognized it while i was doing it. my mom was only trying to give some motherly advice to which i snapped back, "i don't even care about that. i'm over it." it didn't end well. it ended with no explanation, or too much & me wanting to throw my cell phone so far out the window! i knew that i had been unnecessary in snapping, but i just thought i had earned the right to be a smarty pants. i didn't.what a lame thing to think. it's never right to be rude, but we do it anyway. why? i don't like it when people snap at me. i try to think that there was something else going on in their lives that made them mad, not me. i guess this is kinda true, b/c i've had a lot on my mind lately. but still... no right to be rude.  just b/c i try to think it's not me that upset them, what's to say that they'll do the same for me? i can't predict or control that! and it's not fair to assume that they will be as polite. be kind to one another!  sheesh these life lessons!  argh!!

so now i'm sitting outside, watching coco play & waiting for the 'skeeta's to bite, trying to bury my head in the sand. i'll call her tomorrow...