Oh time, it sure does pass, and when I blink, it's gone. where has June gone? Ya, believe it, folks, it's almost July. Then Aug, then Thanksgiving and then omg Christmas! Whaaaa?!?! Okay, breathe. "Deep breathe" as my friend and I used to say. (and no, that is not a grammatical/spelling error. it's intentional -e.) So as I look back at the time, my little miscarriage happened already 8 months ago. Just think, had that been a healthy pregnancy, I would be about to burst any moment! Oh how exciting! Well, how exciting it would be, but my time will come again. time... oh my. But seriously, I was thinking about that the other day, and how quickly time has passed since that day. I feel like it was maybe a month or 2 ago, not 8. I wonder if pregnancy is like that, though. Does it go by too quickly? Sheesh, what doesn't? Either way, I cannot wait for the day! I was talking about pregnancy w/my husband the other day, b/c I was feeling really down. I was not trying to fish for sympathy, b/c i know that's not appropriate or even necessary, but i was just being well, a girl, and I let it get to me. We go through these emotions and feelings that guys don't ever understand. What I do appreciate though, is that my husband did try, after I asked him to do so. I asked him to give me a moment to just get this off of my chest. So here it is: I am just thinking that it has been 8 months, and we've not been as proactive about trying for a baby as we could/should be. Well, the past couple of times it was just poor timing on our part. Knowing now that I can get pregnant (thank you, Lord!), if we don't get pregnant this next time, I asked him to go to the dr (ob or infertility) with me - for both of us. It doesn't hurt to do a little research, right? The distance that I/we would go I will not get into at this time, b/c I've not even set foot down that path of the journey. I am just at a point where we will try again, do things a little differently maybe (wink!) and see where it takes us. My husband told me that I need to not dwell on this; to move on, things will work out. He has a way of getting right down to it, and I've tried to get him to be gentle since I'm a girl, not a dude. He did, and I was so happy to have him care for me like he does. He reminded me (as he does often) that God will take care of it. We're in a really good place w/each other right now, w/our little Coco, in the rental where we live. It's like he's telling me to look around - appreciate what we have. Don't worry about what we don't have, our time will come. I love him so much - more & more each day! He's quite a catch!
I have to confess, I have not sincerely gotten on my knees and prayed about this. I feel like once I do, God will say, "finally! I knew that I had your heart 90%, but you have to give me that last 10%!" I am working on something right now, within myself, and I have this voice in the back of my head telling me that i need to let go of it. Let go of what is holding me down. Release myself to Him. It's hard to give up some "habits" you know? Be it foods, drinks, activities, shopping...(shh!!), it's hard. I'm currently working on my diet - joined a famous internet site that will help me out, and am ready to get in shape. Even thinking about buying my husband a bike, so that he can ride along w/me as i walk. Some of you reading this may think, well, God won't make you healthy or lose weight alone. He won't. He will help me when I call on Him, to give me the strength, endurance, motivation. But I have to get off my duff and do it myself! Hello --- rewards!! Smaller sizes! Healthy! Happy! Sexy!! Yes, I need to brink sexy back. Let's not act like being in a healthy shape or feeling really good about yourself isn't sexy. That will flow over to my husband's eyes and then well, you know what happens next!
Let me say that I appreciate all of the encouragement from my friends and family, so I'm certainly not distraught about all of this. it just gets me thinking. I've officially began to think "too much" about getting pregnant, when for so long I have said that I had not been doing that. I think that's gotten me stressed out b/c I'm late... like 4 weeks late. But don't fear or get too excited, i took a test and it came back negative.
So is time on my side? Sure, if I use it to my advantage. And at this point, maybe it's time to get myself in shape & healthy for baby. Gosh, i've been saying that for maybe 6 years, but time is of the essence. I'm knocking on 34yrs, so if I want to pop out 2 kiddies, get to stepping. Don't think I won't go all Tori Spelling and get pregnant right after popping one baby out like she did! I'm known for being late, but in this case, TICK TOCK!!
p.s. no joke, I checked my email after posting this, and there was an email from thebump.com w/tricks for fertility... oh!!
Don't worry your precious little mind, Don is right, appreciate what you have right there in front of you and everything else will fall into place when you put your faith where it belongs. You certainly know where that is. :) It's good to be a little proactive and work towards it, put a few more dollars back when you get it, start working out slowly but before you know it you'll be craving more! I know we will have a Little Don soon, see...I'm not worried. :) (p.s. I bet if you get a bike then you will fall in LOVE with riding! awe, you and don don, so cute, so fancy. ;) )
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