Days like this.

Ever have one of those days where you feel like you could punch a hole in the wall, without hurting your hand or nails? I may be frustrated, but let's not mess up the hands!  Or the kind where you go to do laundry in the garage and start throwing the mass of your husband's work clothes in large piles b/c they're all over the place, secretly wanting to throw them all away but you can't b/c you know he will come home and wonder where in the heck all of his concrete spotted clothes are... Yikes, I digress. Anyway, today is that day.  Why is it that it's on a Sunday, after church?  Shoot, I can't be the only one that experiences Sundays like today.  No, it's not because there is no football to watch, or the fact that I have 3 + loads of laundry to do, and have a ton of clutter all over my house (sorta) and dust bunnies all over the place, and bathrooms that need cleaning, and groceries that need purchasing, and oh wait, that's it.  Hold up, I know exactly why... So I'm going to lay it out for you.  Blogs are personal sometimes, and they are like a diary to some writers . I've shared some personal things with y'all in the past, so why stop now?

Remember that miscarriage I had - a year ago?  Even just saying, "a year ago," is emotional for me, because I would possibly have a little bunny to hold right now. However, that is in the past, scars are healed [for the most part], and life goes on.  We are trusting God to bless us again, and I've not changed my mind or thoughts whatsoever.  I do think I will stop saying, "when it happens, it'll happen," b/c that's just too cliche for me, and duh, I got it.  So anyhoo, for the last 3-4 weeks I've been taking ovulation tests - some that a girlfriend of mine recommended to me (from  amazon.com that worked for her and another girl).  I had gone for 12 weeks, yes 12 weeks w/out a . (May - July or something) So I finally got the green light and started taking the tests.  They were pretty spot on, in that the day I found out I was ovulating, or the LH surge, the lines on the test strip were obvious. What was kinda weird though, was that the date was about 10 days later than I had thought it would be, but I just figured my dates were screwy since it had been a 12 week break.  (Note: since I had the miscarriage, and began having a regular cycle, they were just that - regular; about every 4 weeks, which isn't bad.  Just that last time was 12 weeks, but I think it was the stress and over-thinking.)  So my husband & I had some fun the night before & after the day I got the positive LH test.  That's pretty much the way to hit it  (pun intended!) if you're trying for a baby.  Since technically I would've started my . already, I took a test.  I probably, no, definitely made a mistake in doing that just a week after, b/c it was negative. I'm not going to lie, a little piece of my heart broke.  I knew that it was too early to take it.  I mean, it could take up to a week to actually become pregnant, based on what I've read this past week.  So I brushed it off, and hoped for the best.  Again just this past Friday, almost 2 weeks later, I took another test.  Results?  You guessed it, negative.  Am I still too early?  My boobs are sooo tender right now! My back hurts.  You know what those are signs of in my body?  Yep, guessed it again, a .! But still, if I think about it, logic would tell me that I would only be 2 weeks pregnant, maybe.  Typically you wouldn't know until you're what, 5 weeks along, maybe 6?  So, as hard as it is to tell myself this, I am going to just ride it out. I'm going to wait to see if I start or not.  I've got like 7 more pregnancy tests in the kit I bought, as I'll have to just hold off.  Over-thinking it is wrong and can hurt me.  But tell me not to think about it, I dare you.  Tell me not to worry about just waiting.  Remind me that I have gained a lot of patience with some of the things that have taken place in my life - and our married life.  I know all of this.  I know God will bless us, in some way, shape or form.  He doesn't make mistakes; He doesn't say, "Oops!"  Everything is calculated to what He has laid out.  I  know all of this, but I'm going to be honest - it doesn't make it any easier.  When you want something pretty badly, and it's just not working out for you, it's not the easiest to accept.  It's like that saying, "Wanna make God laugh?  Tell Him your plans." 

Maybe it's time I really crack down on losing weight.  Maybe? Um, seriously.  I cannot get motivated.  Is God waiting for me to take care of myself first?  I have to say, that I've been emotionally eating these past couple of weeks. That's not the best idea... I don't even really like doing it, so I don't know why I continue.  I feel miserable and not even hungry! Crazy, I know, but not good. 

I close asking that you please don't think of this as me whining to you and saying, "poor me!" I am not. I assure you, I realize that things could be much worse.  There are many more girls out there that are going through things much more      serious, more heart breaking, more painful than what I am.  I don't want to downgrade that at all.  This is just what is  frustrating me today, and I wanted to share.  I pray for all of the girls that are hurting, and thank God that I am only going through something so small.  Really.  I love all of you that have lost full term babies, that are unable to conceive, that are lost and in pain.  I appreciate your strength and admire your ability to go on - even if you're hurting on the inside.  You are so precious in God's sight.  I only hope I can have an ounce of your courage and strength, on days like today, and everyday for that matter.  Note to self: chin up, buttercup!  

xoxo

ch-ch-ch-changes

Am I the only one that doesn't like the changes that blogger has made to the layouts?  OMG! I have spent probably an hour trying to look at my blog, and then I realized that it has been changed, and I can't fix it! You'll probably look at it and not notice anything different, but it's super different to me. Sheesh!  Not what I wanted to do all night.  I had plans! Plans to wash my hair, bathe Coco for our trip to see grandma in GA tomorrow, movies to watch, junk food to eat!  (I don't really even have "junk" food, but I can pretend.)  Oy!   I also had plans to post something new, but honestly, after all of this crap that I've been dealing with, I'm not going to waste any more of my Friday night on this. I act like I had major plans... lol.  I'm so crazy.
Did y'all know that it's supposed to be a full moon tonight?  I have rats in my attic. I will be watching 21 Jumpstreet again tonight. (It has quickly become one of the funniest movies I've ever seen!  I grew up on the real 21 Jumpstreet, so this is hilarious.  Spoiler alert!! Some of the real characters are in the movie.  Sadly, not Richard Grieco. haha) I hear something in the wall right now.  I wish I could release Coco in the attic & walls. She would definitely handle business.  But for now, she has to sit and stare at the walls.

enough delirious randomness............

xoxo

This was Monday's post...

But it's been hung up in my phone! So I'll keep it short & sweet!  (mostly bc I don't remember all I wrote and I can't open the post to look! Grr)
Ok so I got a much needed and desired pedi Saturday and chose essie's a crewed interest, a pretty, creamy peach.  I'm on a quest to try a new color each week, seeing how I have about 50 different nail polishes - no lie. Last week I had essie's smooth sailing (a pretty light blue w/shimmer).  So back to the subject - I got a little wild and decided to mani up! I put a few coats of a crewed interest on my nails and then used OPI's up close & personal, a pretty white/gold shimmer on my ring fingers.  It was cute! (And came off the next day... lol.)
What mani's are y'all rocking and what colors are you sporting for the upcoming fall? Football season is upon us, so I'll be rocking some orange & blues (Go Gators!!), and then I've GOT to figure out the Jaguar spots!!

xoxo

P.s. I voted yesterday! Did you?

It didn't take long...

Before I took my fancy nail polish off from this weekend.  I had it removed by noon today at work!  I wasn't really digging it too much, so I used one of those little polish remover wipes to take it off.  I keep them in my desk @ work, for times like this!
Oh, and on my way home from work tonight, I ran into forever 21 and picked up some skinny jeans.  I never thought I would see the day that I would rock some skinnies, but I like the way my white jeans wear, so I wanted a dark blue pair.  For $13, why not?  And I found a black pair for $12!  I hate to say it but I couldn't pass this up!  Pics later this week!
How was your Monday?

xoxo

Silly Sunday!

Hey out there! Hope everyone is having a great Sunday - or trying to at least.  Me, I'm being silly out in the backyard w/my little Coco.  Playing w/my webcam and trying to get her to sit still is not an easy task.  But we did it.  I wanted to show off my nails - got a little creative yesterday.  Or last night, too late.  I gave myself an at-home pedi (pedi egg is nice!) and polished up my toes in essie: cute as a button.  I had wanted to do my fingernails in something creative, so I opted for the accent nail in revlon's runway pearl, w/sally hansen's rock candy.  These nails are solid, buddy!  I have some thick coats on - base, 3 coats of polish & top coat. Hard as a rock! (base: essie rock solid; top: essie good to go!) Let's see how long until I get sick of it... haha

Also figured I'd show off my pooch - again... We're out here in her domain, and she's on the hunt for some lizards or anything that's moving. Oh this little rascal.  She's been so needy this weekend, and the last time she was like this was when I was pregnant (and didn't yet know).  Fear not, I am not with child at this moment.  Still working on that, believe me! 

So let me enlighten y'all on a few new faves I've stumbled upon this weekend.  

1. Revlon's Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain!  It's pure perfection, and I snagged it w/a $1 off coupon at Walgreen's.  I bought "lovesick" and will probably be back tomorrow (sorry hubby) for "sweetheart."  I love the bright colors & have bought some lipcolors like Maybelline's colorsensational high shine in fruit punch and fifth ave fuchsia, and love them.  I dab them on for subtle daytime color, and more for night time.  But I still feel like they get a little cakey or don't last super long.  So, my next bet was a stain.  I saw the lovely Emma Stone's face on the display and went to it like a moth to a flame.  Seriously.  How 'bout I even got the color she was wearing! I love this stain, esp that it's a balm.  So it goes on smooth, doesn't make your lips all dry and cracked feeling, and wears very well.  Apply in a thin layer, it's more sheer.  Apply w/a heavier hand, surprise - darker.  (not rocket science) Go out & purchase, you won't be disappointed!

And my new necklaces that I am so in love with!!  I follow a very cute blog, Living in Yellow, and she - Erin - got THE cutest necklace for her b-day that she posted.  It's a dup of one from J.Crew, but for literally a fraction of the cost!  The site is Cheerfully Charmed, and the necklaces are the bubble necklaces seen here.  Quite the "statement necklace" as they describe it. So I've been looking for a bib/statement necklace for a while, and fell in love with these the moment I saw them!  What is so awesome, is that you can buy 2 and get 1 free!  That's $78 for 3, or $150 for one from J.Crew.  That's not a tough decision, ladies.  And highly justifiable if your husband asks... I bought the cobalt blue, turquoise and yellow colors.  And I am not disappointed in the least bit!  I like that they lay nicely and are long enough for my large bust.  (that was my only concern)  I am thinking the green, gray and coral ones would be a nice touch to my wardrobe, but am not sure if it's overkill.  Does that even matter?  (what do y'all think?) I'm not saying I'd wear one each day of the week - or am I? ;)  No, I would definitely limit it. The customer service was amazing, I emailed to check on the status and got a quick, friendly response.  I got them prob 5 business days later.  I think I bought them last Sunday night, and they were here Saturday.  Worth the wait.  I wore the cobalt yesterday w/my white jeans and a black tank.  Wore the turquoise today to church w/a white sleeveless blouse & my light gray pants.  The hardware is gold, fyi.  They're sturdy feeling, too, not like they'll break. A great value & must for anyone obsessed w/accessories like myself.  So here's a mini photo shoot - turquoise (a pretty beach glass color), cobalt (just in time for FL Gator football!) & yellow (a creamy lemon).   Are you as freaked out w/all of these pics of me as I am?!? At least I changed my hair for each - lolzzzz

xoxo

Fancy for a Tuesday

Thought I would share my outfit with y'all, even thoughj it's pretty wrinkled... don't judge! ;) I promised my friend I'd send her a pic before the end of the day, before the curls fell out of my hair.  (You may ask, "what curls?" Ya, they fell...)
Anyway, bright blue top & white jeans a la Old Navy. (I cannot wait to wear it for some Gator Football!!! 45 more days until SEC football - YAY!!!!!!)
White/blue striped espadrille wedges, Target. (Not "Tar-zay" people... I'm fancy and I loathe when people call it that! Come on!)
Gold necklace, jewelmint
Cross bracelet, shoplately (right arm)
Coral skull bracelet, shoplately (left)
Rose gold watch, stein mart (left)
Nail color on my tootsies, essie bazooka (great orange, not quite neon & not offensive haha)

P.s. shoplately is amazing! Daily deals and they're great. My fave shop is glint & gleam. I'll try to post the link separately if I can't attach it here. Jewelmint was my go-to for unique pieces, its a club, $29.99 each piece.  I've acquired quite a few pieces, but when I found shoplately.com and their deals, I ended my membership. I may go back, but I've got to be careful.  Jewelmint has a ton of sales, so check it out! Their customer service is great, too!

xoxo

Be Authentic.

What does this mean to you?  Or what do you hear if it speaks to you?  It was the topic of our church sermon yesterday. My husband and I rushed in to service a tad late, and when I grabbed a bulletin by the door, I almost froze - partly in fear, partly in excitement.  The title of the new series: Hypocrite.  Living an Authentic Faith.  Wow-ee.  Let me add that part of the reason we were late was b/c I met a friend that went to early service to give her something, and we chatted a bit.  She told me that it was a good series, so I was looking forward to it.  Little did I know what I was in for!  So as we settled in, our pastor had just begun, with the scripture of James 1.  We came in on hearing that the key to joy is suffering.  It has a purpose, and we don't see it right away.  I surely don't.  It may be the second or fifth thing I think while I may be going through something. Like learning patience.  When my husband & I decided to put our condo up for a short sale, we didn't realize how long the process would take. It was about a year, I believe. Oh my goodness!!  We were unhappy there presently, and then to have to wait until who knows when for the short sale process to go through... Good grief!  We soon agreed that while God would bless us in this somehow, He had to be teaching us patience.  For what, we did not know. Nor did we really care to know a specific reason, but there was a lesson in this "suffering" if you will. I sometimes wonder if it was to help us deal w/the miscarriage and waiting for a baby.  B/c when that happened, we were already prepped with the thought, "He'll bless us again; something's going to come of this, we just can't put our finger[s] on it now."  How funny though, that now we are in the process of house hunting, and have fallen in love with a house that's a short sale!!  Yes, you read that correctly.  Another short sale.  Being on the other end of it, as the buyer, we are prepared to wait this out, b/c we love the house.  (I spent almost all of my free time yesterday "pinning" house decorations, diy's, etc for this house that doesn't even belong to me!  I told my husband that I was doing it, and must get offline! He laughed and told me to stop!! teehee)
Anyway, back to suffering and it's purpose... What are we instructed to do while we are in the midst of suffering? Pray!  But not just for ourselves, but really for others.  It's to teach us humility.  I want to look at this more, and maybe watch the sermon online when it's posted (www.ccontheweb.com) b/c there was so much of this point.  My goodness, the whole sermon had a ton of things that I was excited to study.  Our pastor told us that the definition of humility is "giving all we can, so that others can have all they need." What is it that they need?  Jesus.  He is all they need, all WE need.  The best part of being authentic, is so that we are not hypocrites.  Man, I need some work here!  A hypocrite is someone that pretends to be someone they are not.  It's sort of a chain reaction.  When we start thinking ill thoughts, they turn into words, leading to actions which show our character (be it real or not...), eventually leading to our destiny.  Another way my pastor illustrated it was desire leads to deception, to design (plotting to have what you're wanting so badly - a relationship, wealth, drugs, etc), to disobedience to death.  So true!! I think if one gets caught up on being someone they are not - trying to fit in, participating in things that don't glorify God, talking in a way that is ugly, we eventually can turn into that person.  It has been made clear to me that I have gone through this very thing.  Be it the crowd that you run with, people you work closely with, things you listen to/watch, but I started to change.  My mother pointed it out and I was in denial for a bit, especially since she told me.  Come on, it's my mama.  I told her, "whatever."  But then I noticed.  Even my thoughts of what was appropriate and what was not seemed to have changed.  Of course I didn't notice it for a couple of years later, but when I did, it hit me like a hammer!  I can now say, now that it's behind me, that I am so thankful my mama did point this out! 
I'll close w/one last profound thought: when God looks at us, He sees Jesus.  When we look in the mirror, do we see Jesus?  The words of the Bible are to be a mirror for us.  How does it match up to myself?  What do I need to do to see that?  When my behavior doesn't match up I may not believe that I'm who I am supposed to be.  So it's time to let my faith be real; to be authentic.   This series really couldn't come at a more appropriate time, when I am craving this sort of authenticity.  We're all hypocritical at times, and my prayer is that I am cutting that out of my life as best I can.  I pray that people who read this, especially those that live near me will be watching me, and lifting me up, as I will them.  If I live my life knowing that people are watching my every move, I need to be on point.  It's not going to be easy, but it's possible.  With a little- er - LOT of help from God.  I can't wait to hear next week's sermon!

James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

xoxo